To All The Boys I've Loved Before And Will See At My 10-Year Reunion
This will be a full weekend of events and while most of my 200+ classmates are clamoring about in Facebook groups about how exciting the events were going to be, I, on the other hand, waited until the very last week to decide to attend.
Not because I hated my school, quite the opposite, I was in numerous clubs and a decent student, but the thought of a 28-year-old me standing in the same room as the boys (well, men) I either dated or "loved" and their wives, terrified me.
While I was not popular per se, I was known of but more in a sense that I was the "girl friend". Cool enough to hang with, but not to date or commit to. After watching "To All The Boys I've Loved Before", I sat in silence, as I had basically just watched my high school life play out before me, which I found extremely ironic, due to the timing. So, I decided to write "letters" to the ones that I met along the way and the heartbreaks that molded me in the end.
Dear "Mr. Popular",
I was new and naive. So maybe, that made the target on my back a bit bigger. I had never been infatuted like that before in my life and you showed interest in me. The first time you kissed me, I felt drunk. And it's all I craved for a very long time. I felt wanted and that feeling sustained, ...until senior year. For 3 years, I let you hide our interactions and moments together. When I finally found my happiness in another relationship, you let me know that was not ok. When senior year rolled around, I was once again placed on a back burner, but then the world got to see you for the manipulative, emotionally abusive person you were. While I hate what you put me through, it showed me that I should be enough to be shown.
Dear "Best Friend",
At least I used to think of us that way. I think we may have "loved" each other at different times in our lives. I put "love" in quotes because the love was in that stupid high school way. You were there and reliable, and knew me. But we grew up and remained close friends, until about 4 years ago. It was a night out and I urged you to take a chance on your blind date the next day, and you did. Had I'd known it would lead you to cut me out of your life, I honestly don't know if I'd urge you in the opposite direction, because you seem happy. And who am I to question why you did what you did. Maybe she felt threatened, but then I think, "Why? I've been in a relationship with my fiance longer than you've known her." I may never know why. The pang in my heart I felt leaving you off my wedding guest list stung more than a bee sting, but I did, knowing it was right to do as you left me of yours (even though everyone else from our friend group attended).
Dear White Boys Who Liked Me But "Couldn't" Date Me Because I'm Black,
Simply put, you were a coward.
But truly, I think all the boys I've "loved" before actually prepped me for the one that came back into my life all those years later. I have grown to know that I deserve to love and be loved unconditionally in return.
So, Class of 2008, your goofy bitch is back and better than ever before. And to all the boys I've loved before, SUCK IT.